LOLison_SF

My brother wrote this to my Father who passed 3-17-02, I thought it was worth posting. Dear Dad, It’s been 7 years since we spoke but every day I think I hear your voice, I know you didn’t want to leave you didn’t have a choice. Certain obstacles you can face, and look straight in the eye I know you stared right back and tried to survive. It must have taken a lot to hang in there say my family needs me so hear I will stay, I never resented you not even for a sec, sorry we got distant I was just scared of your death. I’m still scared fuck I can’t even tell you if I’ve faced it, I spent so many nights out crazy and wasted. I felt all alone sometimes I still do, all I want to do is sit down and talk to you. Ask you if you’re proud of me and if I have made the right choices, I used to sell drugs, now I sell Bentley’s and Rolls Royce’s. We all make mistakes I guess and let me tell you I have made a few but I think my heads on straight now and it’s all because of you. I loved golf it was my soul and my passion, when life got tough it was my way of relaxing. 6 years of no swings not even a putt because it reminded me of you and that was what made me nuts. I can’t believe you’re gone, how my life took a change an aspiring young college Golfer, to a young kid who was insane. I remember I was in the Hospital shortly after your death stitches on my face and IV’s in my chest, I never backed down I know you expect nothing less but I knew you were disappointed so I picked up and left. Headed up North ended up in Long Beach Switched up my lifestyle got the ground below my feet. So now 7 years later I can say I’m a man I have witnessed tragedy, heart break, and still hear I stand. You can try to knock me down but I always get back up that’s something you taught always stay mentally tough, always be good to the women in your life even if they treat you like shit I thought I met the one dad she had a smile I will never forget. But its ok life goes on don’t worry about me I’ve been thru it all what else could happen to me? I guess I’m just writing you what’s currently on my mind the one thing I do have on my side is time, so I’m going to live it up and just live my life for me I love you forever dad R.I.P . - Ryan J. Sawyer